Hey!! What's the story?

The affair by Kenneth Weene

They had met nineteen years before in Istanbul. Standing at the stern 
of a ferry watching the dome of Hagia Sophia fade into memories.

Afterwards, she was often mentioned in his poems. She was the woman in 
heliotrope. She was the emerald-eyed desire. She was the sweet melon 
whose juice sustained.

Afterwards, she tried to forget him, only occasionally calling her 
husband by her lover’s name.


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Comment by Stella Turner on July 6, 2013 at 19:34

Like this very much, tight piece of writing each word justified in being included, nice phrases and great ending. 

Comment by Kenneth Weene on July 7, 2013 at 5:04

Thanks, Stella.

Comment by Diane Piron-Gelman on July 7, 2013 at 18:09

Well done; great ending in a very tight framework. :)

Comment by Parris ja Young on July 7, 2013 at 20:38

Nicely done; I'm still looking for a wasted word.

Comment by Monica M Brinkman on July 7, 2013 at 21:50

Fine piece of work Kenneth Weene. Caught the emotions perfectly.

Comment by Salvatore Buttaci on July 7, 2013 at 22:36

Nicely done, my friend!

Comment by Nada Adel Sobhi on July 8, 2013 at 1:11

I love the "emerald-eyed desire" (sensual image + alliteration). Took my breath away.

I liked the funny ending too.

Comment by abbie foxton on July 14, 2013 at 9:47

What a moment, caught in a breath, your words as tight as the grip he had on her heart..

Comment by Kenneth Weene on July 14, 2013 at 16:15

I can only again say thank you for these kind comments.

Comment by Ashi on August 2, 2013 at 22:09

What I love about this is how it tells a story spanning near a decade in so few words.  The details are well-chosen and well-written.  I've never been to Istanbul, but I can imagine the romance of watching a famous structure from a ferry.  As writers, I think we especially appreciate the part about the main character's ex writing poems about her, but even outside of that bit of meta that paragraph is lovely.  The details evoke such strong images, especially the sustaining juice of the melon one.

As far as mincing words, I might've nixed the two "Afterwards"es and combined the sentences about the main character's eyes and being melon juice to read like "She was the emerald-eyed desire, the sweet melon whose juice sustained," but that's preferential.  As is, the piece is already wonderful!

Comment by Kenneth Weene on August 2, 2013 at 22:57

Thank you

Comment by Kerry J. Hall on August 29, 2013 at 15:24
A beautiful, if slightly sad, story! It touched my soul and evoked poignant memories..thanks Ken for a lovely story!
Comment by Kenneth Weene on August 29, 2013 at 16:01

Kerry, Thanks for such a lovely comment.

Comment by KM Zafari on September 4, 2013 at 7:38

I love this story! I'm a sucker for any tales of missed connections (although the last line implies more) and love at first sight, but I really enjoy how the feelings were not only shared but enduring. This story satisfies but also leaves me wanting more. I hope they will meet each other again.

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