99fiction.net

Hey!! What's the story?

I recently received an annual New Year's letter from a good friend, and it got me thinking about what people would write if they didn't have such a good year, especially since our friends seem so positive about everything. Perhaps it would go something like this:

Dear Family & Friends:

Well, we can hardly believe 2014 is behind us - what a fabulous, busy year. First, you should know that Cindy got out of the hospital much earlier than anticipated. The doctor said he'd never seen such a bad case of tetanus and wasn't it lucky she was trying to lose a few pounds before our son's wedding in Cozumel. After all, there's only so many calories you can stuff in through a straw, what with the "lockjaw" and everything. But it just gets better. After extracting that 3" old rusty nail from Cindy's foot (I warned her about gardening barefoot, but you know Cindy!), the doctor said we could keep the nail as a reminder. So straight away we tacked it up on our "Wish Board" in the kitchen.

Our cruise to the Caribbean in February was a hoot. Did you know they've never had a tropical storm in Cozumel later than January, up until now? The cruise staff were absolutely terrific, though - at least those who made it out of sick bay. And our son Randy and new daughter-in-law Tracie were real troopers at their beach wedding. Before the ceremony, Tracie just tied some rope around the bottom of her dress as it kept blowing up over head. Talk about a "Youtube Moment!" I'm not kidding - someone posted the whole thing on Youtube.

When we came back from vacation Cindy right away noticed the house seemed a bit chilly. Sure enough, someone had smashed a window in the basement and climbed in. Then they filled one of my old gym bags with our laptops, backup hard drives, and pretty much anything else we kept in our home office. C'est la Vie!

On April 1st the bill from the hospital came, and at first we thought $250,000 was a bit steep. Doug gave them a call right away, saying: "Nice try, guys. April Fool's - good one!" But they explained that our insurance was declined because of the vaccines we refused for the past ten years (thanks a lot, Dr. Oz!) so fair is fair. Anyways, as our cash flow's a bit tight what with nothing to run our home business, we used a plastic tarp to cover up the window, and wouldn't you know it, we still had that rusty old nail handy to help tack it on tight. Now wasn't that lucky!

Nothing much happened after that until September except for a lot of silly lawyer stuff. Let's just say we've "downsized." Randy and Tracie have a beautiful basement which we've decorated with our favourite remaining possessions. I still don't understand why some people call the basement a crawl space. I mean, maybe you have to duck your head a bit to get under the beams, but nobody's crawling, for Pete's sake!

We also decided to splurge and take a two-month StayCation for all of November and December. And maybe all of 2015. Things just keep getting better!

All the best from all of us,

The Wilsons - Doug, Marnie, Randy, Tracie & Piggie (our hamster)

Views: 48

Comment by CAKeane on February 6, 2015 at 12:15

This is terrific! I laughed from beginning to end but then, I do have a pretty twisted sense of humor.

Comment by Preston Randall on February 6, 2015 at 15:43

Thanks CAKeane. Nice to know someone else shares my twisted view of things!

Add a Comment

You need to be a member of 99fiction.net to add comments!

Join 99fiction.net

Quirky social network for writers and creators. Try our free fiction competitions. Hey!! What's the story?

Forum

Who Do You Show Your Stories To?

Started by Daniel Hale in Sample Title. Last reply by Mary Chandler Nov 9, 2015. 3 Replies

I'm still working at the story-a-week thing, and keeping up with it so far. One thing I'm wondering is who I should show them to to get feedback. Some of these I want to put in the novel/collection…Continue

A Formatting Question-- How would you...?

Started by Angie_Fayre in Uncategorized Sep 2, 2015. 0 Replies

Okay, I know that there are about 3 instances where you'd regularly use italics in fiction: showing foreign/made-up goblidigoober words, "indicating mental thoughts" and putting stress on words being…Continue

Publishing Percentages!

Started by Naomi Rawle in Sample Title. Last reply by Gia Lee Jul 19, 2015. 3 Replies

Do you send everything you complete off for publication? What's your written/submitted ratio like? What do you consider a successful percentage? Or do you go for quality over quantity! (I mean…Continue

Tags: publication, deal, percentage

New works: published and otherwise.

Started by Zachary T. Owen in Sample Title. Last reply by Naomi Rawle Mar 27, 2015. 4 Replies

What stories/books/poems/novels have you recently completed or had published?I'll go first:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDvvPFBisAA^This…Continue

Blog Posts

Title Advice?

Posted by Daniel Hale on December 14, 2015 at 18:29 0 Comments

I just completed, as near as I can tell, my first book: a collection stories disguised as a novel. I do currently have a working title that I was initially happy with, BUT it may now be too obscure or inapplicable.

The title as it is now is "The Psalterdemalion." This is a combination of two of my favorite words: Psalter, which is a small book of psalms, and Tatterdemalion, which is a man dressed in multicolored rags and tatters. My thinking was that the man character, a story thief,…

Continue

A Memory Resides In Soho

Posted by Ronnie Capaldi on November 24, 2015 at 21:06 0 Comments

A Memory Resides In Soho

On the 1st August 2015 a special night had arrived for seventy-five year old Robert Harris and his seventy-two year old wife Barbara.  Robert was nattily dressed in a blue suit and Barbara looked elegant in a long flowing…

Continue

Final Stretch for my First Project

Posted by Daniel Hale on November 16, 2015 at 2:41 0 Comments

So I've got my stories together for my first collection, and am currently working on the connecting narrative. I haven't even thought yet how I'm gonna get this published. Gotta start thinking what I need to do. 

Premonition

Posted by Ronnie Capaldi on November 12, 2015 at 17:40 0 Comments

Premonition

Mark stood on a sea cliff top. A wave below roared in and sprayed out a ferocious impact. Its retreat left a glistening carpet of foamy shale. To his left, a slender figured girl appeared, dressed only in a skimpy black nightie. Her blonde…

Continue

© 2017   Created by Jem (Admin).   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service